DIRTY TALK

Her: Call me your good girl.

Him: ...Mmm yeah, you're my good little girl. 

Her: Going along with it like she enjoys it but *Thinking* (...did he just call me a good little girl? Ugh/ew, not into that ...so gross and creepy. Hopefully he doesn't say that again.)

Him: Do you like that good girl? ... how's my good girl? .... you're such a good, good girl...

Her: Going along with it, acting like it's great but *Thinking* (Ok, I said to call me a 'good girl' but not the entire time. It's not hot anymore. I wish he knew what I wanted)
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A simple little word change or repetition due to lack of words/experience/confidence can totally KILL dirty talk and mood for sex play. But then again, how are you supposed to know exactly what she wants and make sure she's turned on and satisfied by it?

Well, this depends on the relationship you're in or the relationship you want. For instance, say you're sleeping with a woman for the first time. In this case, you feel her energy out and see if she's the vocal type in bed. If she enjoys talking dirty, she will not hesitate to talk dirty to you, in the hopes you'll respond vocally. Her sexual mood/style plays a big part in this as well.

So tip #1 would be: Respond back vocally, in her style. The worst thing is to remain silent, while she's there talking dirty to herself lol. While responding, take notice of her attitude/style of dirty talk. If she's in a rough/aggressive mood, use more aggressive words/tone. If she's in a sweet mood, talk to her in a more gentle way. You can't use your one favorite dirty line if it does't match her mood in the moment. It may come off offensive, creepy or just weird. If she tells you to call her something, call her that name once and hold off. If she asks you to call her the name more than twice, then you KNOW she wants it repeated.

If you've had sex with a woman multiple times, this is the best place to be because you can ask her upfront what she likes (while you're NOT having sex). Being specific is key! By asking her, "Do you like when I call you ____ during sex?", it shows her that you care about turning her on, you're confident enough to be open to criticism and it's just a sexy question for a woman to receive. Even if you're sure she loves it, ask her this question. This alone will turn her on and make her excited to have sex with you again. 

So tip #2 would be: Ask her what she loves (and hates) and if you're doing it the best way possible. Asking her this question will put her in a place to respond honestly, whereas in the moment, during sex, she will be more likely to lie so she doesn't hurt your feelings.

Now, say you don't talk dirty much at all anymore but you would like to start again (or start for the first time). So how do you initiate it without you feel awkward or out of practice? You start slow and gradually build (like your orgasm! Haha, I'm tired). So here's how this would work.

So tip #3 would be: Start simple and avoid risky talk. You start with not so risky dirty talk like, "I love being inside of you" or "You like that baby?" or "You look so fucking sexy". This will open her up to responding to your straightforward question and make her comfortable responding with something similar, since it's simple and easy.

Then again, some women don't want to be verbal in bed. Some of you may not want to be verbal and that's fine! However, if one of you does and one doesn't, my opinion is that it's important to find some sort of happy medium, by having a conversation around it (outside of the bedroom). 

Something I did also want to inform you guys of is the psychology of dirty talk! WHY do we enjoy talking dirty in bed? ...

It has to do with our erotic mind formed during childhood. Sex was always so dirty, right? We grew up powerless, learning to resist, bargain, surrender, understand and find balance in our lives and in relationship to our parents. Nuts when you think about it, right? In adult years, dirty talk (or the expression of our sexual needs/desires) actually opens up the communication areas of the brain, so that we can bond, feel more understood and emotionally satisfied by our partner.

In closing, this email is not to make you guys nervous or anxious about talking dirty. It's to inform you of how women are perceiving it. Because like I said... she'll act into it, even if she hates it (and then never tell you). So it would seriously help you by having a conversation with her about it, rather than assume you're awesome and don't need to change a thing you're doing. A man who questions a woman on how/if he can do better for her is the sexiest thing. It can only help your relationship and turn her on. 

If you're struggling in this area personally, I'm only a call away. Fill out this form and let's talk!

http://sgdatingcoach.com/contact

Have a great night guys! 

Your female perspective, 
Steph