Top 3 most interesting takeaways from my mentor, Dr. John Gray!

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I recently returned from the MarsVenus headquarters in Las Vegas, NV where I periodically meet with a diverse and intimate group of coaches, from around the world, to study the concepts and science of gender intelligence in more depth. Together, we share and discuss our perspectives, experience and the latest research and writing on understanding the differences between male and female mindset, hormones and brain function. The more aware of this knowledge we all are, the better we can serve our clients and teach them how to communicate more effectively in a world where relationships can be extremely difficult to maintain.

This time around, I was fortunate to spend one-on-one time with my longtime mentor, Dr. John Gray. Although Dr. Gray has an incredibly busy professional life - writing best selling books and traveling all over the globe lecturing to thousands of people at a time, he always makes time for his students and stays deeply connected to the "core" of MarsVenus headquarters. Being trained personally by an internationally recognized expert on romantic relationships and the author of one of the top-selling relationship books in the history of print is pretty amazing! Even after spending so much time learning Dr. Gray's perspective I have to admit: I'm still awestruck by the opportunity to sit in a room and listen to him lecture. He's nothing short of an icon in this field. Dr. Gray's knowledge and experience is unparalleled and I was, as always, captivated to by everything he had to say. It's always incredible to share the room with a living legend - but it's especially gratifying to be educated directly by one in the subject I am most personally fascinated with. 

Long before I completed my training as a MarsVenus coach I was like millions of other men and women around the world. I picked up a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and my life changed dramatically. I was captivated and fascinated and wanted to devour every book I could find on the interplay between romantic relationships and psychology/brain science. There was a time when I was the woman who continually expressed, "I don't need a man! I can do things myself! Fuck men!" I feel some shame even typing those past feelings because I cannot possibly feel more opposite at the moment. I love men, I appreciate them wholeheartedly and I will never look at "needing" a man as a weakness ever again. Because it's not a weakness! I truly believe that it takes a smart, strong, confident woman to accept help or ask for help from a smart, strong, confident man. Women should not HAVE to do everything themselves, as men shouldn't HAVE to do everything themselves either. We need each other. Together, life can be so much easier... IF we choose to educate ourselves on our differences. Without the understanding that we fit like a puzzle piece (mentally and physcailly) for a reason, our relationships can quickly become frustrating, aggravating and unmanageable. So why not make an effort to figure each other out, right? 

Understanding is key to better communication between males and females.

This is exactly what John's books have instilled in my little psych/people-loving brain. Now I want to share all I've learned (and continue to learn) with you. 

Here are the top 3 most interesting takeaways I've learned from my mentor, Dr. John Gray:

  1. You can change your relationship with your partner completely just by reevaluating your own life and changing yourself. 

  2. Powerful men are sex hungry because they are so high in testosterone so their body starts craving estrogen (sex) to balance out hormone levels.

  3. Women often vent/complain/share feelings whenever they are trying to get back to their feminine side- these actions produce estrogen in the female body. 

Those are, of course, just a very short summary of topics that Dr. Gray explores in deep detail in his research and writing. They are also the topics I work closely with my clients to explain and help apply to their dating and romantic lives and improve their relationships with women. I LOVE the chance to read, think, write and talk about these topics and I love to share my passion for this subject with my clients and colleagues. 

I can't wait for the next gathering of my MarsVenus brothers and sisters and, until then, I'm excited to share my knowledge and experience with you. 

For more detailed information on gender intelligence, visit my instagram @lets.talk.relationships

If you have any Questions/ concerns regarding your personal relationship struggles/concerns, feel free to reach out to me!

WHY SEXTING IS GOOD FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP...

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1.   It keeps you sexually connected to your partner

2.   It keeps your sex drive up

3.   It’s a good method of foreplay

4.   It gives you time to plan what to say and also plan what parts of your body you are comfortable sharing in that moment

5.   It allows you to be more creative and spontaneous if your relationship becomes too routine

6.   It increases your likeliness to masturbate (many health benefits!)

7.   It allows you to share an intimate secret with your partner

8.   It requires certain levels of trust and pleasure, which build intimacy between you and your partner

9.   It teaches you new things about your partner sexually

10.  It allows you to be playful and have fun with your partner 

Signs that your relationship is over...

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·      Little to no eye contact – If your partner is unable to (or chooses not to) look at you directly in the eyes, this is a sign of disconnect/annoyance/discomfort.

·      Neither of you make an effort to mend the challenges in your relationship- When times get tough and it’s clear there is a problem both of you will come up with a plan to solve it. If the two of you don’t care enough to work at that plan, it’s over.

·      You’re thinking about someone else- I don’t mean once during sex… I’m talking about ongoing fantasies, day and night. You might not even care if your partner is cheating on you.

·      No intimate touching or small loving gestures- Usually after the honeymoon phase, playful touch is less frequent. However, showing no loving touch is a sign of the two of you pulling apart.

·      Your life goals do not match up- This can be a huge deal and very important to consider before going into a relationship as well as once you’re already in it. You will resent your partner forever if you are not clear on your goals and make it a priority to go after exactly what you want in this life.

What are some mature, grownup activities couples can do together?

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·      Visit a museum

·      Go on a hike

·      Go wine-tasting

·      Take a cooking class

·      Play “31 Questions”

·      See a show (Broadway, Cirque, Comedy, etc.)

·      Take on a new hobby together

·      Go on a fun drive

·      Attend a social event in your community (meet new people)

·      Take a dancing class (ballroom, salsa, tango, etc.)

·      Try out a new restaurant

·      Get a couples massage

·      Plan a spontaneous vacation

·      Have a game night with each other or with friends

·      Attend a concert

  • These activities allow you to fall in love with your partner again physically, mentally and emotionally. For instance, by taking part in activities like "36 questions that lead to love", you will find yourself asking your partner things you would have never asked him or her ever before. Mental stimulation is exciting and sexy, especially when it comes to sparking an old flame. The simple fact that these activities are engaging, adventurous and fun will allow you to once again associate these happy, positive feelings with your partner, as if the two of you were back in the honeymoon stage!

 

What are some tips and tricks for being more persuasive in a relationship?

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  • Understanding the other person's point of view- This allows you see and feel where he/she is coming from and then respond in a way that respects his/her personal opinions, needs and desires. Never tell him/her “you’re wrong”.

  • Make him or her feel needed and appreciated- Everyone wants to feel important, right? When your partner specifically points out that you're smart, beautiful, hard-working, etc., it puts you in a positive, content state of agreement. It's much easier to persuade your partner after boosting his or her self-esteem.

  • Back up your theory- Relate it to something that worked out for them in the past

  • Speak to your partner- Do this in a way that honors whatever decision he/she ends up making (reassurance that you’ll still love them no matter what)

  • Be honest about how the result will make you feel. Your partner should want you to be happy and if you speak to emotion rather than fight to be right, you’ll have a much better chance of winning him/her over

  • Reciprocate- Do something nice for your partner or promise something nice if he/she complies to your request (make a trade)

  • Make a conscious effort to instill good feelings- Promote good feelings the 24 hours before you try to persuade them

  • Give him or her a visual- Show your partner a picture of the positive impact his/her decision can make on both of your lives

  • Reason with your partner- Provide him/her with back-up reasons as to why this decision is so important to you.

  • Give your partner time to think- Tell him/her far ahead of time so he/she has time to sleep on it

  • Put your partner in a “yes” state- Right before persuading, ask him/her multiple questions you’re fully aware will receive a “yes” response. 


How will being more persuasive may benefit you in your relationship?

·       It will give you more confidence in your romantic relationship (and all of your relationships in general)

·       You will gain a higher level of trust with your partner

·       You will learn to understand your partner better mentally and read him/her     better physically

·      You will reach a new level of self-respect and never “settle” again