A Great Approach!

Doing what I do, I obviously take extra notice of men in public (or online) who have game, impress me, do something out of the ordinary, etc. 

Most the time, I want to feed them some advice. Not necessarily because they're doing it 'wrong', but let's be honest... the approach is difficult. It's not always easy or fun. It's a bitch.

And SO many guys can improve with the approach, if they:
1) Felt great about themselves
and
2) Knew what women want to see and hear.

So I wanted to tell you guys a personal story of a man who approached me today at the gym (and I thought he did an excellent job in doing so).

**I posted this in my Instagram stories but figured I would dive deeper on it here. If you want the animated version, head over to @stephganowski** (link below in the footnotes)

*Background info: This guy has showed his interest in me my glancing my way about 2 or 3 times (on various days) prior to this approach. Each time I smiled back at him. The last time I worded "Hey" silently with my lips lol...

(I am that super focused chick in the gym. Totally unapproachable/serious, earphones ALWAYS in, constant intense movement during workout or eyes glued to a book on the treadmill. I actually wonder now how long this guy would stare at me until I actually looked up to see him looking LOL.)

So the importance of this background story is to show that this guy took initiative to grab my attention SOMEHOW. And it worked. He got it. And a smile. More than once. 

He is now 'safe' to approach me- I smiled at him before, most likely I'll do it again, right?

I'm walking on the treadmill (earphones in, eyes glued to a book haha) and he walks directly over to me, like a man on a mission. I was forced to look up because he was literally right there and asked me a question, making solid eye contact and seemed very much at ease with a kind face. 

I took one earphone out (giving the hint like dude, I'm working out/reading. What is it?) and asked "What's that?" (with a smile)

Him: What's your name?
Me: Steph!
Him: I see you here all the time. You're always doing crazy stretches, which seem impossible for me to do haha. Are you a dancer?
Me: Yeah I am actually! Flexibility is important to me, especially keeping up with it while strength training.
Him: Yeah you do seem really strong! Steph, right? I'm Matt (holds out hand for shake). Really nice to meet you
Me: Hey Matt, nice to meet you too :)
Him: Don't be a stranger. Feel free to say 'Hi' if we bump into each other again
Me: Sounds good, Matt!
Him: (walking away) Have a great day, Steph
Me: Thinking *I'm going to tell my email list/social media about you, you skilled sonofabitch*

Haha, in all seriousness, Matt's approach was great. And here's why:

  • He started the approach by making eye contact with me weeks ahead of time. I was already familiar with his face so him walking up to me didn't freak me out/throw me off

  • He asked my name immediately (a little ballsy but he owned it with his confident body language and kind expression)

  • He pointed out my 'crazy stretches' (which are a little eye-catching sometimes, so I didn't find him saying that creepy at all- 'scorpion pose' is a regular practice for me lol).

    • This showed that he was paying attention to me and impressed by me which equals a compliment (women love compliments)

  • He re-stated my name (realizing I never asked for his) so that way, I had another chance to ask his

  • He smiled the entire time and kept a good distance, with me being on a treadmill 

    • I felt safe, comfortable and happy being in his presence (he had a great energy and I FELT his confidence through his open body and face)

  • He kept it short, sweet, to the point (either he was respecting the fact I still had one earphone in, was on a treadmill with a book, or he had to go to work- probably both lol)



It was so easygoing and simple. I really enjoyed it.

I hope this gives you guys some takeaways!

Talk soon :)

Steph

Meditation for the Busy Man

Do you not have time to mediate? 


I don't buy ittttt

We all have time for the things we make a priority in our lives.

I know for sure that if you were truly aware of all the benefits of meditation, you would 100% make it a DAILY priority. So let's dive into them now!

Meditation benefits include: 

  • Reduces stress 

  • Controls anxiety/pain 

  • Improves attention span 

  • Prolongs awareness 

  • Aids in memory function 

  • Generates kindness and empathy 

  • Improves sleep 

  • Helps fight addiction 

  • Decreases blood pressure 

  • Improves connection with others 

  • Enhances self awareness 

  • Promotes emotional health 

...just to name a few.

On a serious note, you neeeeed to pull back and his the pause button when the overwhelm in your life is too much. Especially as men- stress can do serious physical damage to you- so let's keep you healthy, happy and safe with mediation :)

You'll also realize the productivity that mediation actually gives you. By "turning off" for a small amount of time each day, it allows your brain to reorganize itself so that you have triple the speed, focus and efficiency when "turning on".

So! 

To help you get on track with this, I want to give you two ways to mediate:

1. Internal Visual mediation: 

  • Spend 20 mins sitting in silence (or with a meditation playlist on in the background)

  • Take in huge inhales and release great big exhales 

  • Focus on what you want for your life. Play out specific scenes in your head with certain people, places and things in detail! 

  • Really focus on the visuals being soo real, it's as if they happened already (you'll get better with this in time)

  • Notice how you start to feel differently... Calm. Happy. Excited. Really fucking good. 

(*If you're doing it right, you won't want to stop*)

2. Awareness External mediation:

  • Go for a 20 minute walk without your phone or distractions 

  • Focus on what's around you and how you're breathing 

  • Feel the breeze against your skin, notice the colors of the flowers, listen to the noises in the distance...

  • Just be in the moment. Slow everything down and just notice where you stand; physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, etc. 

  • Pay attention 


So now that you know exactly how to meditate and why it's so damn important, I really would love for you to please read the above list once again. Take note of all the negative symptoms going on in your body right now and realize that if you were to spend only 20 minutes of your day meditating, it would improve not only your mood, awareness and and overall outlook on life but your physical (internal and external) functioning as well!

We only get one life and one body, so let's prioritize whatever helps us have a good time and feel good!

Am I right? ;)

Hope this helped guys!
xo
Steph

3 Exercises to do Before your Date with her!

No, I'm not talking just physical exercises ...
I'm talking mental and physical. I'm talking body-mind manipulation ;)

Don't worry! It's not as confusing as it sounds!

I just want you guys to realize that you can change the way you appear to women, by doing certain things with your body and mind right before meeting her. Pretty cool, right? ;) 

OK. So here are 3 ways to put yourself into a better state, before your date ...making her want you more:

1. Workout in the gym a couple hours beforehand 

  • Not only does this increase your testosterone levels (which makes your smell and energy more attractive to her), it also puts you in a better place mentally due to the endorphin rush in the brain. After putting your body through a rigorous exercise (yes, I'm talking about lifting here...not the treadmill), it is in its primal masculine, making you feel strong, confident and capable. Your posture will also improve naturally, since lifting weights forces you to remain in a tall, straight, alignment. 

2. Play around/loosen up with a friend or family member/ watch comedy 

  • Doing this before a date puts you in a fun, positive, happy state of mind. So many men (and women) sit around in their heads hours before the date, instead of just living life or priming themselves for how they want their mood/personality to come across. When making a first impression, it's important to make sure you go into it relaxed so that you can be your authentic self! So the best way to do this, is to play beforehand (just did an instagram post on this today). This way, when she meets you, you'll have laughed a lot, relaxed, enjoyed your time and it will carry on into the date. She'll sense that you're a fun guy, enjoyable to be around and allows her to feel relaxed as well! 

3. Set Intentions

  • I say do this before doing anything in your life. Moving from task to task, I've learned recently to set an intention for how I want the new task to go. For instance, before writing this email I told myself, "I want the information in this email to come across 1. Easily attainable 2. Quick and fun to read 3. Make sense and 4. Intriguing". (Hopefully it is all of those things!) So since it works well for tasks, why not use it for humans too! Before going on a date with a woman, tell yourself at least 3 intentions of how you want to appear to her, how you want the night to go, etc. For instance, "Tonight I want to appear safe, confident, sexy and fun to this woman". By setting an intention like this, it gives your brain something to work with! If you get stuck in your head worrying about the date, then your brain will worry about fucking up...therefore put all the focus there. So set the intentions you WANT and watch the magic happen. (No joke, I do this with everything now and it works like a freaking charm: getting work done quickly, handling difficult conversations, waking up at 5am every single morning by setting the intention before bed the night before, etc.) Try it!!

    • If you need guidance on a body-mind exercise, check out my latest podcast episode below (#17 on the “What I Love About Men” podcast)! I take you through an exercise myself, explaining the benefits in less than 15 minutes.

    • If you want to set up your first free call with me, then fill this form out and I’ll get back to you asap! www.sgdatingcoach.com/contact

MORE GYM = HOTTER SEX

Yes, yes, this is totally true, for many reasons! Having sex uses a lot of muscles you guys don't use on a daily basis. So if you find yourself losing your breath during sex, not able to keep yourself (or her) lifted or in position, you can't last very long, etc. Then read below how exercise can help you improve your sex life by making it so much more fun, comfortable and enjoyable for the two of you!

  • Cardio helps you last longer in bed (physically and sexually)!

    • Physically- It improves your overall stamina and endurance, strengthening your heart and lungs so that you are able to breathe and move comfortably and at a pace that keeps you feeling good. Cardio exercise also prevents cramps and many studies show it allows for better/stronger orgasms!

    • Now "cardio", does not mean a walk outside. It means giving your body a little push in movement for about 20-30 minutes, beyond what it normally does. About 3-4x/week at least. To increase your stamina in bed, you need to put some effort in when not in bed! 

  • Weight lifting increases testosterone levels -which amps up your sex drive ;) 

    • Bent-over rows -> Keeps your back strong and supportive 

    • Push-ups -> Will keep your arms from shaking if you're on top of her for a long period of time

    • Lunges -> Will keep your butt firm and thrusting will be much easier and allow you more control over rhythm  

    • Abs -> Will keep your core feeling supported and stable, as you may want to throw her around and not want to feel like you'll break a body part in the process lol

  • Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor muscles

    • This prevents erectile dysfunction and also strengthens the pubococcygeus or “PC” muscle, which you use to hold in your urine. This is a common 'sex exercise' often targeted at women, but it's just as beneficially to you guys! By strengthening your PC, you'll be able to last longer by having more control over your orgasms. 

      • A good first step would be to practice holding your urine in at random times when you pee. Hold for 1 second, pee for 1 second, hold, pee (about 7x/bathroom visit) ... Iol weird I know, but this will help you guys! Also, you don't even have to strengthen this muscle only when you pee, you can do it during the day, whenever/wherever- just practice holding and releasing the muscle - no one will know you're doing it.

  • Reduces stress 

    • Physical activity produces brain chemicals called 'endorphins', which act as natural painkillers. It's better to go into sex already feeling good and excited, not go into sex looking to feel good and excited. Am I right??

  • Increases sperm

    • A recent Huffpost article stated, "A six-month study among 261 previously sedentary men in Iran found that those who were randomly assigned to start exercising on a treadmill improved the quality of their sperm in terms of volume, sperm count, motility and morphology (shape and size)." That's amazing! So cool.

    Yoga- Allows you to get into multiple positions during sex (to make it fun, comfortable and impressive, for you and her!)

    • Groin stretches- laying on your back and touching your feet together and pulling them towards you is a great one (do this after cardio)

    • Hip openers- research the pose called 'pigeon'- AMAZING hip stretch. It sucks in the beginning but I always made my male fitness clients do this and they eventually loved it! After a week you'll feel like a new man lol (you actually will- we all carry lots of emotional stress in our hips, this stretch is the best way to release it) 

  • Confidence! 

    • When you work on your body, you feel better about yourself. You just do. I've been working on my body for 6 years consistently now and it's one of my TOP priorities. You'll find that it makes you feel good about yourself, think clearer, feel stronger and more comfortable in your skin, keep you focused and energized for life, keep your body feeling happy and healthy AND YOU'LL FEEL GREAT NAKED. (Best part, sorry, I got excited). You don't have to be jacked, or have abs to feel sexy in your body or for women to find you attractive. But you know what does make a sexy man? A man who is comfortable in his body and a man who takes care of his body (regardless of his current size or shape). 

***Always speak with a professional before starting a specific workout routine. You want to be sure your body is in the right place to handle the stress of a workout :)***


That being said, I am a NASM certified personal fitness trainer (I coached clients in fitness for 5+ years now) and I believe exercise is SO important for overall mental, physical, sexual, psychological and emotional health. This is why I implement exercise/fitness into my clients' plans/routines and I even provide the option of a custom meal/workout plan, to reach specific physical goals. When you're ready to get your life, relationships and body on track, fill out the form below ;)

sgdatingcoach.com/contact

How to Set Boundaries with Her!


Ok so "setting boundaries" may sound scary or weird when it comes to being in a relationship with a woman. You might think, "Well, I don't want to sound/appear controlling or like a dick or make her sad or have to deal with the emotional reactions..." I get it! But you want to be respected (especially by your woman, right?!) And there will be times when you know for sure you don't want to/need to be doing something in your relationship but you feel like inner resentment is building up little by little...this is the point in which you set the boundary or reinforce the boundary if it has been set. When you allow resentment to build and build, you will eventually reach the point of flipping out on her randomly, not realizing it's the anger you've suppressed for so long. I'll be honest in saying that women can easily resort to manipulative tendencies when it comes to using sex or emotions as a tool to get what they want (just as men can easily be very manipulative with money if they're the main breadwinner). Therefore, healthy boundaries are always important to set and will leave you the most certain and decisive when it comes to your handling your relationship in the best possible way.

So now that we know setting boundaries is SO important, how exactly are you supposed to set boundaries in your relationship??? Follow these tips and use whatever fits best within the means of your current situation/relationship...

1) Know yourself. Make a list of what you can tolerate in your relationship with a woman and what you cannot. This would actually be great to do BEFORE getting into a relationship. You don't have to stand there and read the list to her (that will really freak her out lol). Just have the list for yourself so that when something comes up in person, you immediately see it as a red flag. Then you have a better idea of how to handle it.

For instance, if you cook, does that mean you would like her to clean up after? Or you both do? Or you do? What do YOU think is fair? (All men are different). But you have to take notice of this right away because while in the 'honeymoon' stages of a relationship, if you are cooking and cleaning with a smile on your face, to impress her, then she will assume this makes you happy and you will always be doing it for her. Once the honeymoon stages are over and you stop, arguments can arise, you will resent her for never cooking or cleaning and she will be hurt/confused as to why you don't want to make her happy this way anymore. We need to condition our partners just as we do our dogs (that sounds terrible but it's true lol).

2) Make sure you are never shamed for who you are, disrespected, belittled or controlled by her. When she makes you feel this way at ALL (even in the slightest), call her out on it immediately (if the timing is not the best on the spot, then at least by the end of the night mention it to her). If you rub it off and never say anything, she will see that it's accepted and will continue speaking to you in this way. If it's not ok with you, then have enough respect for yourself to be honest, direct and upfront about it. This doesn't make you appear emotional guys, it makes you appear strong and respected. Maybe you could say something like, "I really love the way you talk to me the majority of the time but when you say things like _____, I won't stand for it and it makes me feel less attracted to you, which I don't like or want. I would rather us build each other up! What do you think?" -Then wait for her response!

Hell yeah, she just got alpha man mind-fucked LOL... 

3) Be honest and open about the things you are serious about. No beating around the bush! She needs to know what you're serious about and what you don't really care about when it comes to how you want to be treated. If you let something she says/does slide one day but another day you flip out about it, this will leave her very confused (and you can't blame her!). I know it can be uncomfortable, especially if things are great between you in the moment, but as I always stress with my coaching... the way you feel about yourself is most important of all. If she is damaging the way you feel about yourself, this will ultimately damage your relationship with her as well. Better to get things straight in the baby stages, before things escalate!

Also, be sure to not set boundaries with ridiculously high standards- she'll feel as though it's impossible to be with you. It's really just about being verbally firm in terms of how you want to be treated.

4) Maintain your boundaries once you've set them! She may test you and do the same thing again, seeing if you meant what you once before. As long as you keep a healthy mindset, you will remember that no matter how much you love her, you will keep your word and stay true to the boundaries you have set. For instance, if you once set a boundary with her to keep calls/texts to a minimum during your work hours, but you recently had a week filled with kinky/passionate sex and now she's sexting you all day... do you let her text you? ... NO! You will see her naked when you're with her again- focus! Because see how this can create a huge problem? If you allow the texts after the sex, she feels like now she can text you whenever she wants again, no matter what your work hours are. Then when the sexting stops and she texts normally, if you bring up the boundary, it will hurt her feelings and make her angry because she'll feel as though you "only want to sext with her and that's all you care about". Right? So stay strong and stick to your word if it's important to you! Nude selfies or not! I know it's hard... (that's what she said).

5) Remain the guy she was attracted to in the first place! I know most of you guys are single but this is important in the beginning stages of dating and also something to be aware of. If you were assertive, confident, decisive, firm, etc. when she first fell for you, then why would you become someone who doesn't care as much once in the relationship? Many men struggle with this once in relationships- they stray far from the man they were when they were single and first attracted her- therefore, they have trouble keeping her attracted in the long run and also lose sight of themselves. To keep the guy is to set the boundaries and keep them. She doesn't want to be bossed around, but she also most likely doesn't want a guy she can walk all over. Be assertive and calm, positive and respectful.If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. Don't let that happen. Set the boundaries and keep them, guys- it will make and keep your relationship a healthy, happy, sexy one!

If you're one of my clients and would like to work on this while in the beginning stages of dating, please fill out this form and I’ll email you back to set up your first (free!) call with me

sgdatingcoach.com/contact

Hope this helped you guys!
Your female perspective,
Steph

DIRTY TALK

Her: Call me your good girl.

Him: ...Mmm yeah, you're my good little girl. 

Her: Going along with it like she enjoys it but *Thinking* (...did he just call me a good little girl? Ugh/ew, not into that ...so gross and creepy. Hopefully he doesn't say that again.)

Him: Do you like that good girl? ... how's my good girl? .... you're such a good, good girl...

Her: Going along with it, acting like it's great but *Thinking* (Ok, I said to call me a 'good girl' but not the entire time. It's not hot anymore. I wish he knew what I wanted)
_______________________________________________________________

A simple little word change or repetition due to lack of words/experience/confidence can totally KILL dirty talk and mood for sex play. But then again, how are you supposed to know exactly what she wants and make sure she's turned on and satisfied by it?

Well, this depends on the relationship you're in or the relationship you want. For instance, say you're sleeping with a woman for the first time. In this case, you feel her energy out and see if she's the vocal type in bed. If she enjoys talking dirty, she will not hesitate to talk dirty to you, in the hopes you'll respond vocally. Her sexual mood/style plays a big part in this as well.

So tip #1 would be: Respond back vocally, in her style. The worst thing is to remain silent, while she's there talking dirty to herself lol. While responding, take notice of her attitude/style of dirty talk. If she's in a rough/aggressive mood, use more aggressive words/tone. If she's in a sweet mood, talk to her in a more gentle way. You can't use your one favorite dirty line if it does't match her mood in the moment. It may come off offensive, creepy or just weird. If she tells you to call her something, call her that name once and hold off. If she asks you to call her the name more than twice, then you KNOW she wants it repeated.

If you've had sex with a woman multiple times, this is the best place to be because you can ask her upfront what she likes (while you're NOT having sex). Being specific is key! By asking her, "Do you like when I call you ____ during sex?", it shows her that you care about turning her on, you're confident enough to be open to criticism and it's just a sexy question for a woman to receive. Even if you're sure she loves it, ask her this question. This alone will turn her on and make her excited to have sex with you again. 

So tip #2 would be: Ask her what she loves (and hates) and if you're doing it the best way possible. Asking her this question will put her in a place to respond honestly, whereas in the moment, during sex, she will be more likely to lie so she doesn't hurt your feelings.

Now, say you don't talk dirty much at all anymore but you would like to start again (or start for the first time). So how do you initiate it without you feel awkward or out of practice? You start slow and gradually build (like your orgasm! Haha, I'm tired). So here's how this would work.

So tip #3 would be: Start simple and avoid risky talk. You start with not so risky dirty talk like, "I love being inside of you" or "You like that baby?" or "You look so fucking sexy". This will open her up to responding to your straightforward question and make her comfortable responding with something similar, since it's simple and easy.

Then again, some women don't want to be verbal in bed. Some of you may not want to be verbal and that's fine! However, if one of you does and one doesn't, my opinion is that it's important to find some sort of happy medium, by having a conversation around it (outside of the bedroom). 

Something I did also want to inform you guys of is the psychology of dirty talk! WHY do we enjoy talking dirty in bed? ...

It has to do with our erotic mind formed during childhood. Sex was always so dirty, right? We grew up powerless, learning to resist, bargain, surrender, understand and find balance in our lives and in relationship to our parents. Nuts when you think about it, right? In adult years, dirty talk (or the expression of our sexual needs/desires) actually opens up the communication areas of the brain, so that we can bond, feel more understood and emotionally satisfied by our partner.

In closing, this email is not to make you guys nervous or anxious about talking dirty. It's to inform you of how women are perceiving it. Because like I said... she'll act into it, even if she hates it (and then never tell you). So it would seriously help you by having a conversation with her about it, rather than assume you're awesome and don't need to change a thing you're doing. A man who questions a woman on how/if he can do better for her is the sexiest thing. It can only help your relationship and turn her on. 

If you're struggling in this area personally, I'm only a call away. Fill out this form and let's talk!

http://sgdatingcoach.com/contact

Have a great night guys! 

Your female perspective, 
Steph

The 5 Common Mistakes Men make on Dates with Women

Ok, so first off, I just want to acknowledge you men for doing what you do. I know it can't be easy to approach a woman you don't know, in the hopes she'll find you attractive and want to talk to you. Since working only with men as a relationship coach, it has certainly made me more aware of how difficult this is. After I give my clients a specific 'task' for the week in terms of improving their approach, I try it myself with strangers on the street... it used to take me about 10 attempts!( LOL) but lately it's become easier, the more I practice. Anyway, I feel you guys. I know it's hard and that's why I want to do everything in my brain power to help you make it feel easy. Anyway, now to todays topic...


 The 5 common dating mistakes men often make and how YOU can avoid them! ...


1) Not offering to pick her up for the date. Many women really love this! I understand that maybe today it's more of a 'keeping her comfortable' type of thing but does it hurt to offer? If she is more old-school and enjoys the anticipation of being picked up, it can start the date on a more romantic level. This helps you a lot in terms of showing her you're attracted to her. Sometimes a woman will question the man's intentions if he doesn't offer to pick her up. She'll be thinking "well, if this was an actual 'date', then he would probably offered to pick me up...maybe he just wants to be friends or just wants to use me for sex... do I want him just for sex?" (ahh the female brain haha). The LAST thing you want is going into the date confusing her as to whether or not you're seriously interested in her. That should be a no-brainer. Offering to pick her up will help make it obvious.  

2) Treating the date like an interview, bragging about yourself and/or start boring conversations. Now, I know the 'bragging' is just you guys trying to show your strong points. You're nervous and you want to show that you're a good match for her. However, this complaint from women is sooo common. She'll eventually find out about your success/ fancy car. Telling her about it before she sees/finds out for herself is a turn off. She'll be MUCH more attracted to you if she finds out herself and realizes you didn't have to go out of your way to tell her. When it comes to the 'interview' and not having boring conversation, I JUST did an instagram video on this exact topic so check it out by clicking the instagram link at the very bottom of this page.  --> watch this video because I literally cover EXACTLY what to do to make the date FUN and not boring.  

3) Not flirting or not making romantic gestures. If you're on a date, romance is a must! Flirting is a must! At least if you're trying to attract her to you. If you don't show you're attracted to her, through your words and/or body language, she will not feel special to you at all and therefore, lose appeal and feel like she just wasted her night. Women want to feel sexy and wanted on a date- they don't want to feel like they're out with their brother lol. Now, this doesn't mean you go feeling her up under the table but the tiniest romantic gestures will tell her "I'm into you" and she'll be craving more. You're better off making multiple tiny 'moves', than feeding her 2 verbal compliments during the night. Don't just tell her, show her. That makes it more real.

4) Not having plans for after the date. Having a plan for when the date goes well can really help you guys! You don't want to sit in the same spot for 5 hours, so have a few options for where you can take her afterwards. Women love options. If you both had a great time, you don't want to be in the awkward position of "ahh what do we do now haha....". By you having a plan, it shows you care and let's be honest if you ask her, she'll most likely respond like "whatever you want to do!" (Especially if you drove, she'll always just leave it totally up to you, UNLESS you give her options- then she'll most likely choose an option right away and it won't be awkward moving to the next spot)!

5) Going in for the kiss abruptly OR ending the night with an awkward hug. Ok, so if you really don't know if she's into you or not, try to end the evening where you can make lots of eye contact with her. If she can stare into your eyes at the end of the night and not keep looking away, it mostly likely means she wants to kiss you. Women will protect themselves by getting 'distracted' by everything if they don't want the intimacy from you. When women want that kiss, an earthquake can't break eye contact with you LOL. If you're still unsure, just go in slow (lots of men JUMP to the kiss and it freaks women out). Go slow enough so she has the option to turn her head a little if she has to, in which case, you can kiss her cheek at that point. Don't worry guys, this happens! Sometimes she even wants to kiss you, but is still somewhat unsure or nervous herself! So don't let the turn to cheek let you down. Even if she wasn't into you and the chemistry is off, then that's ok too. Try to appreciate the date for what it was; a new experience with a new woman, who helped you learn more about yourself :)

***And look, obviously women make mistakes too- a lot of them! This email was intended to make you more aware, not let you down. We only learn from mistakes and failure right?? That's why the focus of this was on the 'mistakes'.

Top 3 most interesting takeaways from my mentor, Dr. John Gray!

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I recently returned from the MarsVenus headquarters in Las Vegas, NV where I periodically meet with a diverse and intimate group of coaches, from around the world, to study the concepts and science of gender intelligence in more depth. Together, we share and discuss our perspectives, experience and the latest research and writing on understanding the differences between male and female mindset, hormones and brain function. The more aware of this knowledge we all are, the better we can serve our clients and teach them how to communicate more effectively in a world where relationships can be extremely difficult to maintain.

This time around, I was fortunate to spend one-on-one time with my longtime mentor, Dr. John Gray. Although Dr. Gray has an incredibly busy professional life - writing best selling books and traveling all over the globe lecturing to thousands of people at a time, he always makes time for his students and stays deeply connected to the "core" of MarsVenus headquarters. Being trained personally by an internationally recognized expert on romantic relationships and the author of one of the top-selling relationship books in the history of print is pretty amazing! Even after spending so much time learning Dr. Gray's perspective I have to admit: I'm still awestruck by the opportunity to sit in a room and listen to him lecture. He's nothing short of an icon in this field. Dr. Gray's knowledge and experience is unparalleled and I was, as always, captivated to by everything he had to say. It's always incredible to share the room with a living legend - but it's especially gratifying to be educated directly by one in the subject I am most personally fascinated with. 

Long before I completed my training as a MarsVenus coach I was like millions of other men and women around the world. I picked up a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and my life changed dramatically. I was captivated and fascinated and wanted to devour every book I could find on the interplay between romantic relationships and psychology/brain science. There was a time when I was the woman who continually expressed, "I don't need a man! I can do things myself! Fuck men!" I feel some shame even typing those past feelings because I cannot possibly feel more opposite at the moment. I love men, I appreciate them wholeheartedly and I will never look at "needing" a man as a weakness ever again. Because it's not a weakness! I truly believe that it takes a smart, strong, confident woman to accept help or ask for help from a smart, strong, confident man. Women should not HAVE to do everything themselves, as men shouldn't HAVE to do everything themselves either. We need each other. Together, life can be so much easier... IF we choose to educate ourselves on our differences. Without the understanding that we fit like a puzzle piece (mentally and physcailly) for a reason, our relationships can quickly become frustrating, aggravating and unmanageable. So why not make an effort to figure each other out, right? 

Understanding is key to better communication between males and females.

This is exactly what John's books have instilled in my little psych/people-loving brain. Now I want to share all I've learned (and continue to learn) with you. 

Here are the top 3 most interesting takeaways I've learned from my mentor, Dr. John Gray:

  1. You can change your relationship with your partner completely just by reevaluating your own life and changing yourself. 

  2. Powerful men are sex hungry because they are so high in testosterone so their body starts craving estrogen (sex) to balance out hormone levels.

  3. Women often vent/complain/share feelings whenever they are trying to get back to their feminine side- these actions produce estrogen in the female body. 

Those are, of course, just a very short summary of topics that Dr. Gray explores in deep detail in his research and writing. They are also the topics I work closely with my clients to explain and help apply to their dating and romantic lives and improve their relationships with women. I LOVE the chance to read, think, write and talk about these topics and I love to share my passion for this subject with my clients and colleagues. 

I can't wait for the next gathering of my MarsVenus brothers and sisters and, until then, I'm excited to share my knowledge and experience with you. 

For more detailed information on gender intelligence, visit my instagram @lets.talk.relationships

If you have any Questions/ concerns regarding your personal relationship struggles/concerns, feel free to reach out to me!

WHY SEXTING IS GOOD FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP...

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1.   It keeps you sexually connected to your partner

2.   It keeps your sex drive up

3.   It’s a good method of foreplay

4.   It gives you time to plan what to say and also plan what parts of your body you are comfortable sharing in that moment

5.   It allows you to be more creative and spontaneous if your relationship becomes too routine

6.   It increases your likeliness to masturbate (many health benefits!)

7.   It allows you to share an intimate secret with your partner

8.   It requires certain levels of trust and pleasure, which build intimacy between you and your partner

9.   It teaches you new things about your partner sexually

10.  It allows you to be playful and have fun with your partner 

Signs that your relationship is over...

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·      Little to no eye contact – If your partner is unable to (or chooses not to) look at you directly in the eyes, this is a sign of disconnect/annoyance/discomfort.

·      Neither of you make an effort to mend the challenges in your relationship- When times get tough and it’s clear there is a problem both of you will come up with a plan to solve it. If the two of you don’t care enough to work at that plan, it’s over.

·      You’re thinking about someone else- I don’t mean once during sex… I’m talking about ongoing fantasies, day and night. You might not even care if your partner is cheating on you.

·      No intimate touching or small loving gestures- Usually after the honeymoon phase, playful touch is less frequent. However, showing no loving touch is a sign of the two of you pulling apart.

·      Your life goals do not match up- This can be a huge deal and very important to consider before going into a relationship as well as once you’re already in it. You will resent your partner forever if you are not clear on your goals and make it a priority to go after exactly what you want in this life.

What are some mature, grownup activities couples can do together?

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·      Visit a museum

·      Go on a hike

·      Go wine-tasting

·      Take a cooking class

·      Play “31 Questions”

·      See a show (Broadway, Cirque, Comedy, etc.)

·      Take on a new hobby together

·      Go on a fun drive

·      Attend a social event in your community (meet new people)

·      Take a dancing class (ballroom, salsa, tango, etc.)

·      Try out a new restaurant

·      Get a couples massage

·      Plan a spontaneous vacation

·      Have a game night with each other or with friends

·      Attend a concert

  • These activities allow you to fall in love with your partner again physically, mentally and emotionally. For instance, by taking part in activities like "36 questions that lead to love", you will find yourself asking your partner things you would have never asked him or her ever before. Mental stimulation is exciting and sexy, especially when it comes to sparking an old flame. The simple fact that these activities are engaging, adventurous and fun will allow you to once again associate these happy, positive feelings with your partner, as if the two of you were back in the honeymoon stage!

 

What are some tips and tricks for being more persuasive in a relationship?

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  • Understanding the other person's point of view- This allows you see and feel where he/she is coming from and then respond in a way that respects his/her personal opinions, needs and desires. Never tell him/her “you’re wrong”.

  • Make him or her feel needed and appreciated- Everyone wants to feel important, right? When your partner specifically points out that you're smart, beautiful, hard-working, etc., it puts you in a positive, content state of agreement. It's much easier to persuade your partner after boosting his or her self-esteem.

  • Back up your theory- Relate it to something that worked out for them in the past

  • Speak to your partner- Do this in a way that honors whatever decision he/she ends up making (reassurance that you’ll still love them no matter what)

  • Be honest about how the result will make you feel. Your partner should want you to be happy and if you speak to emotion rather than fight to be right, you’ll have a much better chance of winning him/her over

  • Reciprocate- Do something nice for your partner or promise something nice if he/she complies to your request (make a trade)

  • Make a conscious effort to instill good feelings- Promote good feelings the 24 hours before you try to persuade them

  • Give him or her a visual- Show your partner a picture of the positive impact his/her decision can make on both of your lives

  • Reason with your partner- Provide him/her with back-up reasons as to why this decision is so important to you.

  • Give your partner time to think- Tell him/her far ahead of time so he/she has time to sleep on it

  • Put your partner in a “yes” state- Right before persuading, ask him/her multiple questions you’re fully aware will receive a “yes” response. 


How will being more persuasive may benefit you in your relationship?

·       It will give you more confidence in your romantic relationship (and all of your relationships in general)

·       You will gain a higher level of trust with your partner

·       You will learn to understand your partner better mentally and read him/her     better physically

·      You will reach a new level of self-respect and never “settle” again